Spring = Bugs

While the rest of the MOs team did what was most likely a wonderfully painful set of intervals at Pike Lake, I decided to enjoy a ride of my own. I heading down twords South Milwaukee (land of small homes, large boats and a shit ton of Packer paraphernalia) got out about 20 miles and decided to head home as not to burn out the legs for stump farm this weekend. The entire trip back consisted of running through swarms of nats and mosquitoes at about quarter mile intervals. Now I figure that a 20mph impact from my hefty body would for sure kill off any bug that i hit, so i decided to calculate the exact number of bugs I met their demise today.

Using the following picture,I was able calculate the number of bugs killed per square inch of myself. Calculations prove that I killed 739 bugs. Impressive.




Overall it was a grand ride.




A Most Excellent Potty Break

Big Tits

Well I've official been pwned. My tits just don't feel adequate after checking these glorious breasts out. It was fairly amazing to open a 5 pound bag of chicken breast to find only 4 pieces, one that is tiny and cant be more than a half pound , one mediocre size one and two absolutely ginormous ones. I'm am simply stunned.

Finally a weekend recap. Friday I found myself cycling to the WB from MKE. It was a cold long ride. Saturday I joined the raging bumble bee on a ride to check out some glorious man vans. Somehow people ridding bikes to test drive cars has never happened at this particular stealership and we got all kinds of comments. One typical salesman even commented on the ragging bumblebees slim physique, what was later decided to be quite similar to a little girl. After driving around in stanky bike gear (don't worry the vans seats have anti-microbial seats = you can fart in them and they wont smell), we saddled up and headed back to the house. The ride back was rippin fast, and the bumble bee was sooooo pooped that he couldn't manage to tackle the last hill (disapointing).

Sunday I headed back to MKE and headed out to attempt to ride on the MKE river trails on a ancient peugot mountain bike, Thanks to an individual known as Swap Ass. The trails were still prtty sloppy, so there was a bit of hiking involved, however the dry sections make the hiking totally worth it. It was nice to enjoy the dirt again.

Stuck Cog

As some of you lovely readers know, I have an severe issue causing thread on cogs and freewheels to become permanently stuck. This is most likely due to my amazingly massive legs.

Soooo, today I decided to change the cog on my fixed gear ride only to find that it was stuck. I took off the wheel, removed the lockring and attempted to fit my chainwhip upon the cog only to find I was running/rocking a 1/8" cog.

For those of you that don't know, a 1/8" drivetrain is a uber wide system that is typically run by BMX riders. Lotsa fixed gear freestylers and track kings also run this odd drivetrain because running brakeless warrants a much larger and heftier chain. But ultimately this size chain just causes ridiculous problems down the road when trying to remove cogs etc etc.... not to mention typical bike ridding including fixed gear riding does NOT require such insanely massive parts.

But that's besides the point, I have a stuck cog on my bike and no way to get if off. Sooooo, I placed the wheel back in the bike the proceded to jump on the driveside pedal in a futile attempt to dislodge the cog. This failed atttemp resulted in nothing but making a lot of noise and possibly pissing off my neighbors (they played some gansta beats with excessive bass exceptionally loud after my pounding). So at this point some may think that they are completely screwed, but being the enginerd that I am, I placed my bike in the trainer and jumped on it.

I proceeded to apply the rear brake and pretend I was throwing down an epic skid. This has no effect. In frustration I bounced on the bike cranking backwards as hard as my massive legs could handle. The cog magically loosened.

I was so stoked that I immediately treated myself to an ice cold PBR.

So any readers out there that have this issue follow these exact steps, ummm well i guess you can skip to the part on the trainer. And if all else fails, call me and Ill bring my massive legs (see above) to you place and dominate that cog, for an ice cold PBR of course.

its snowing but ride your damn bike

today it was snowing. any lovely milwaukee residents know this. One of god's laws are: though must ride their bike in the snow beacuse training indoors while watching the Tour of California is ghey as this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eyqUj3PGHv4 . So instead of ridding the lame ass trainer I rode outside today.

It was cold and windy, but that din't stop me from flying past those dumb ass gas guzzling 2 ton machines with my whopping 58.8 gear inches. After making my way to the Oak Leaf Trail, I realized that goggles would have been a much better choice than glasses.

I decided to venture onto the MKE river trails only to find that the thaw last week created a gnarly sheet of ice on all of the previously glorious trails. Getting down to the river was easy with only a few spills (just 18), but getting back up to the Oak Leaf was a different story. Hiking out was my only option. I found that hiking with mtb cleats results in a sphere of snow building up around the cleat, resulting in a terrible sensation of walking in roadie shoes. Just the thaught of being in full on roadie gear with all that nasty ass spandex disgusts me. Anyhoooo, I continued back to the OLT and ventured back to somewhere around Farwell where i decided to give up on the deep deep powder and join the 2 ton gas guzzling machines once again.

I made my way past Cranks Daddies (my favorite yuppie ass bike shop) only to find that my brakes were so full of snow that i couldnt stop. Luckally I have some hipster in me and I was ridding a very lovely fixed gear bicycle.

Another 25 minutes and I had made it back safely to my humble abode. I'd say i had done much better than the cars that were being rescued by mutiple sirens heard on Wisconsin Ave and Broadway.

just so you know

my tits are huge